Kate Carlisle is the award-winning author of a bunch of manuscripts, but so far, the gleaming brass ring of publication has eluded her grasp. People are starting to talk. Is it bad luck? Bad timing? Bad writing? Bad hair? Hmm. A panel of experts has analyzed the details of Kate’s life and certain patterns have emerged that clearly indicate …well, let’s just say Kate’s made some wrong moves on her personal path to publication. In the interests of full disclosure—and as a cautionary tale—the highlights are listed here.

The Early Years

Kate was born in Los Angeles, California. Need we say more? Name one famous author who was born in Los Angeles. Okay, name two more. Seriously, all the really famous authors were born somewhere else. A rural town in upstate Michigan, an idyllic crab shack on the Eastern shore, some really scary place in the Deep South. But LA? Get real. And yet, despite this almost overwhelming handicap, Kate was born with good skin and a naturally attractive telephone voice which led her parents to wonder if she might have a future in either cosmetology or telephone solicitation.

Growing up, Kate and her family moved every few years. She would tell new teachers she was a Navy brat, but the truth is, her father’s mounting gambling debts often forced the family to escape in the night with whatever they could carry on their backs. Kate learned to sleep with her favorite toys clutched in her arms, which may explain why Baldhead Barbie remains in Kate’s beloved toy collection to this day. Kate’s creativity with scissors, not to mention her uncanny ability to tell great whopping lies, alarmed her parents enough that they sent Kate off to be educated by the nuns.

When Good Things Happen to Bad Girls

Thus began Kate’s long and desperate search for a creative outlet and a good haircut. Chafing under the authoritarian rule of Sister Mary Cletus at Holy Rosary Academy, Kate escaped by making up stories. One of her favorites was a tale about a wild pony who rescued a strange, lonely farm girl with a bad haircut. Given their daughter’s fascination with ponies, Kate’s parents thought she might grow up to be a bookie like her Uncle Jerry.

As a teenager, Kate fell in with the wrong crowd. She grew big hair and started flirting with boys, but her school spirit never waned. In fact, Kate’s sophomore class at Holy Rosary won a trip to Safari World for selling the most chocolate almond bars, due mainly to Kate’s strategy of selling her candy bars to sailors at the downtown bus station. When Kate asked if they’d like to buy some candy, the sailors would invariably respond, “Is your name Candy?” Her mother held out hope that Kate might someday find her niche in Sales.

 

Lying For Fun and Profit

 

A friend got her a job on a game show and Kate grabbed that opportunity with both hands. She dropped out of college and went on to spend years in production on countless films and television shows, hanging out with rock stars and partying with the beautiful people. But Kate realized she was losing her grip on what was truly important in life. She gave herself a permanent wave, forsook her worldly goods and joined a cult. It worked out well at first. The cult leader owned a vineyard and within months, the grapes were picked, the wine was drunk, and Kate’s hair was losing its wave. It was time to move on. But where to go? What to do? Kate decided to seek professional guidance. When she related her life story to her therapist and lamented that she’d run out of options, the woman called her a big fat liar. Kate shouted “Eureka!” and applied to law school.

All The Right Moves

During her first year of law school, Kate again turned to writing as a way of escaping the drudgery of studying because, let’s face it, she wasn’t the greatest student in the world. But this time there were no wild ponies or lonely little girls with bad haircuts in her stories. No, this time her stories were filled with hot, lusty men and smart, spunky women investigating murders and falling in love. There was danger and adventure … and sex! Faster than you can say res ipsa loquitur, Kate dropped out of law school and signed up for writing classes. She joined Sisters in Crime and Romance Writers of America where she met lots of wonderful writers and made fabulous friends. She continues to write books and attend writers conferences and send out query letters and enter writing contests in hopes of selling her manuscripts to the perfect publishing house. Recently, three of Kate’s manuscripts became finalists in RWA’s prestigious Golden Heart contest for unpublished writers.

Now, Kate waits by the phone in Venice Beach, California, where she resides with her current husband, Don, and lives in hope that karma is kind and publication is just around the corner.

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